And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
I want to know whether there are any other moms who feel the way I do…
Do you feel lonely on some days?
Do you wonder on some days who you are and what your purpose is other than being a mommy and wife?
Do you sometimes find it hard to deal with your new identity or role as mommy?
Do you sometimes have conflicting emotions about your life before marriage or motherhood, your new life as a mom and the dreams and personal aspirations that you still have for the future?
Do you sometimes struggle with guilt or shame due to these emotions?
Do you sometimes compare yourself to other moms who seem to have it just that little (or a lot) more “together” than you do or just make it all look so easy?
Have you ever at some point during your day felt that you are so physically and emotionally drained that you are not sure how you are going to get through the day?
Have you ever looked at yourself post baby and post many sleepless nights and wonder how and when you’re going to get back into shape?
Have you ever felt guilty about spending too much time on Facebook/drinking too much coffee/eating too much sugar…and realising these are all just escapes and ways of coping…?
Have you at some point felt overwhelmed about this huge task called raising a precious little being? And utter confusion about feeding, getting to sleep at night and naps and dealing with teething, growth spurts, leaps, illnesses…?
I sometimes wonder if it would have been easier to live on a farm a 100 years ago with no one but your mom/sister to give you advice…compared to dr google, blogs, books, social media, friends…and yes even TOTAL STRANGERS to give tips and advice on what worked for them….take note….it worked for THEM….although they make it sound as THE only way…
And then you have an equal amount or even more times that you realise how in love and in awe you are of your little one.
Everything about him…his smell, his feet and hands and little perfect body and soft hair, his lips and eyes and nose.
Every new little baby babble word…when it sounds like he wants to sing…the way he brings me his book to read while he sits in my lap…the way it feels when he finally falls asleep in my arms…his laugh…and how I’ll do anything a 100 times over to hear his laugh… I marvel at him.
My mind and heart can not COMPREHEND how much I care, love and feel for him. I feel blessed and overwhelmed at the same time. I have to remind myself sometimes that millions of moms before me have done this thing called raising a child…and that all will be well.
I waited for my big blessing for about two years after two devastating miscarriages. I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I looked forward to and imagined my days being filled by spending it with my new baby and feeling fulfilled and happy in a way I have never known… But I have thought and felt every single emotion that I listed at the start… It is as though my son has put spotlights on certain areas in my character that God is seriously dealing with right now… Here are some things I feel that HE has laid on my heart recently…this has helped me and I hope it can mean something to you too…
1. Although I believe in being open and honest about your struggles, especially with those closest to you, I have learnt something valuable in time. And that is the power of not over sharing your struggles with too many people. It is just a fact that the more we talk about something – the more we give it attention, time and sharing with others – the more POWER we give to it. It’s as if God has laid it upon my heart to rather come and share with HIM, and pour out my heart and my tears during my time with HIM. He asks us to be JOYFUL and show this JOY to the world. Not to be fake, no – but to let HIS JOY become more and more on the inside so that it overflows to the outside. We can only love and bless others (and our family) from a place of fullness, from a place of CHRIST within us. And CHRIST within us is cultivated and becomes more and more as a result of spending time with HIM and being in an intimate relationship with HIM – being in HIS presence daily.
2. What has carried me through most days – is to remind myself every single morning that it is a new day and that God’s forgiveness is enough to cover all my mistakes and His GRACE is enough for me for the day. If I am having a day when I feel overcome by any of the above negative emotions and thoughts, I remind myself of this fact. That HE WILL carry me through this day and that tomorrow will be a new day with new GRACE sufficient for that day.
3. God has laid it upon my heart that now is a “smaller” time for me. Small in the sense that my life revolves around Lucas and our home. I have been fighting this. It is as though He wants me to be quiet and trust HIM in what He is doing during this time and that in due time HE will broaden my horizens again. And that what I do with this time, my time with HIM, my personal growth – will all equip me when the time is ready. God wants me to be quiet and trust HIM:
For the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel has said this: “In returning [to Me] and rest you shall be saved, In quietness and confident trust is your strength.”